


Seeing the Vase

by KahunaBurger



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes & Winter Soldier are Different Personalities, Canon Divergence - Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Dialogue Heavy, M/M, Meta thinly disguised as plot, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-07 15:14:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18875761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KahunaBurger/pseuds/KahunaBurger
Summary: Tony talks about a lot of different things during arm maintenance, and Winter is usually soothed by it. But sometimes a serious topic comes out of left field."Not that I think you're the 'alter' anyway, that should be Bucky…"Wait, what?





	Seeing the Vase

**Author's Note:**

> Post CACW AU in which they called Natasha and Tony after the breakout in Berlin.

“What the hell does  **that** mean?”

Tony was, as usual for maintenance sessions, only devoting maybe five percent of his attention to the line of soothing patter he spun between requests to move or not move in a certain way. (And it  _ was _ soothing, FRIDAY had done stress marker analysis with and without, suck it Romanov.) So it took a second to rewind and find the source of the astonished interruption.

“I was just saying, I don't get why everyone assumes you're the alter.” He looked up at Winter (it was always Winter for maintenance these days; he'd become trustworthy enough that Soldat wasn't needed, and Bucky hadn't shown up since Cap stopped hovering) and winced apologetically. “Crap, did you know that Bucky authorised your shrink to talk to the Avengers about that?”

Winter made an annoyed face. “Yeah, I figured that when Steve started telling me that I was safe and it was okay for him to talk to Bucky every time I saw him. But why would you not think I'm an alter?”

“Just doesn't make sense to me,” Tony explained as he picked up the joint cleaning again. (Avengers should never have to fight in the mud, it should be a rule, no mud unless it's mud wrestling and they all get speedos.) “I mean, if after I came back from Afghanistan, I started acting like two different people-”

“You mean as opposed to the three or four you act like in a given week?”

The nerve! “If I acted like two different people  **when I was at home** and not dealing with corporate or press jackels,” he emphasised, glaring into the arm, “And one was showing expected signs of recently having been held hostage, while the other was, I don't know, me just before I graduated MIT… I'm just thinking that reasonably traumatised me wouldn't be called the alternate personality.”

Winter thought about that for a moment. “The doctor thinks that I'm meant to protect Bucky from the traumatic memories of Hydra, and just generally keep him safe. As he recovers and is able to deal with things himself, I'll - I'm not sure, just become an aspect of his personality?”

He didn't seem too thrilled with the idea, unsurprisingly, and Tony shifted the angle he was working at so they were side to side, touching slightly. “Is that what he said to you, or to Bucky?”

“Uh, to me, I don't… I don't know much about what happens when Bucky is in charge.”

“Yeah, that too.” Winter looked adorably confused (as opposed to adorably curious or adorably murderous (and there was nothing wrong with finding a murderous look adorable, if there was you couldn't love cats, check and mate) which were also common) so he elaborated, “Obviously there's a lot of variation in DID, but commonly the theory is that the alters are aware of everything that goes on no matter who is in charge, while the core personality is likely to lose time when an alter takes over. But when you guys turned yourselves in after Zemo pulled his BS in Berlin, Bucky remembered everything.”

“Huh. I, uh, lost a lot of time when you first started doing maintenance for me. Was that Bucky?”

“Only when Cap brought you. If you came on your own, Soldat would take the wheel the minute I picked up something shiny. I think he's closer to what they're calling you, but for some reason everyone else seems to see him as just ‘crankier, more Russian Winter’ instead of a separate alter.” (Not that Tony was annoyed that everyone dismissed his observations. (He was totally annoyed.))

“He, uh, didn't hurt you, did he?”

Tony pushed aside the warm fuzzy he got from the tone of concern. “Soldat? Nah, he's a big pussycat.” (Big Siberian tiger, maybe.) “You just have to show him who's the boss, and everything is fine.”

He managed to withstand the flat stare for a good fifteen seconds before snickering and admitting, “Obviously in this case, I showed him that he was the boss, and we've gotten along great ever since.”

“Of course… So if Soldat is a protective alter, and maybe parts of the original Red Room programming, and I'm a reasonably traumatised version of myself, where does Bucky fit in?”

“Hey, my only psych degrees are developmental and neuro, I'm not a clinician."

"No, but you have an idea, you couldn't think about this for as long as you obviously have been without coming up with something."

"You know me so well, Snowdrop." He gave Winter a quick once over for obvious signs of stress, then a check on the vitals Friday helpfully kept on one of his nearby monitors and decided there wasn't any more imminent danger of a freakout than most Avengers had as a default. "I can think of two factors. One is that you just might  _ want _ to be Bucky again sometimes. I mean, there were times when I would have liked to go back to my MIT days, and pretending that my whole life was ahead of me and all that crap had never happened? Tempting."

"Rogers definitely would like it…" His tone started annoyed, but by the time Tony glanced over, he looked more contemplative. "Which I suppose is the other factor?"

"Bucky is, in his own way, just as protective as Soldat. He gains even more of Cap's loyalty than you would have as you are, and protects you from constant exposure to the Rogers Sad Eyes of Doom…" Winter laughed a little, and Tony grinned as he poked at the now open bicep and continued, "And there is a reason I hadn't brought this up even with you before your pardon and immunity from future prosecution was absolutely solid."

Winter's face screwed up in his peripheral, like the supersoldier smelled something bad. "Right. I guess an innocent victim trapped in his own body while it performed unspeakable evil is easier to pardon than a brainwashed sniper who isn't certain what they changed except for loyalties…"

"Easier in terms of politics and public relations, sure. But you deserved to be pardoned just as much as Bucky did. You didn't give Hydra your loyalty, they stole it. Everything you did for them was forced on you, even when it didn't feel like it." He thought of countless reminders that every improvement he could make to their weapon lines was a safer soldier, and those obsessively improved guns delivered to the Ten Rings by the same man. (Not the same situation (but possibly not completely different.)) "Maybe especially then."

"Easier said than believed sometimes…" Winter gave him a sidelong look, and Tony's avoidance instincts said he might be gearing up to talk about The Topic They Don't Talk About (trademarked, patent pending) so he moved on quickly.

"The point is, Bucky protected you legally, and still protects you emotionally. And maybe provides a safe retreat sometimes. I just worry sometimes that if even your psychiatrist is treating him as the 'real you' it might make getting better harder in the long run." He didn't remove his hands from the final shoulder work to make air quotes. (That would be inefficient. (And tacky.) That too.)

"Yeah, I should probably talk to him about it. Or take him up on the offer to switch to someone new for treatment, since he apparently specializes in evaluations anyway."

"Fresh start might not be a bad idea, now that it's all about you and not your status. Okay, I think this is done, give it a flex and run through that sexy realignment for me."

People who didn't know Winter well might have believed the flat look, but he knew it was hiding amusement. (Just keep telling yourself that. (I will, thanks.)) The ripple of plates was satisfyingly smooth and the supersoldier allowed a small smile as he stood.

"Thank you, Tony. I'll try to stop it from auto calibrating next time we get muddy."

 

"For the mission's sake, do, but not to get out of our workshop dates, I hope!" That might have come out a little needier than intended. (Gotta make things weird.)

 

"Of course not." (Oooh, is that a little wintery blush?) "I uh, this is a good post mission routine. It, uh, yeah."

 

"Yeah. Catch you later, Snowdrop."

 

**Author's Note:**

> I headcanon Tony as having gotten a Masters in Developmental Psychology while learning to code AIs, and PhD in NeuroPsych which BARF was his thesis for.
> 
> The title refers to the faces/vase optical illusion, because the shift in perspective of seeing Bucky as the alternate personality rather than Winter reminded me of switching which one you see.


End file.
